


Ebb and Flow

by callcalliope



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Book 1, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Bending Ability, M/M, Mid-Canon, Nightmares, Non Benders (Avatar), Noodles, Platonic Cuddling, Pro-Bending, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Tahno is from the swamp, Trauma, at first, but like as bros, car theft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callcalliope/pseuds/callcalliope
Summary: Tahno feels like a whole new person: a different, worse version of himself. After losing his bending to Amon, Tahno must reevaluate who he is and what he really wants, and he might be surprised by what he finds.
Relationships: Ming/Tahno (Avatar)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy the first chapter of my fun, no stress spring break writing project! And please don't yell at me; I do not know how to make tea.

“It’s permanent.”

 _Permanent._ Tahno thought he had finally grappled with the idea long enough–finally accepted his new reality–but somehow giving voice to his condition only made the situation even harder to believe. A regular life, a life without bending. Permanently.

He stared at his hands for a moment, a soupy concoction of anger and disbelief bubbling just below the surface of his calm façade. Here he was, robbed of his livelihood and his dignity in one fell swoop, dressed in pale mockeries of the extravagant robes he had donned during his time as Pro-Bending’s sly little sweetheart, sitting here next to the Avatar, one of the most powerful benders in the world. Tahno couldn’t help but laugh to himself. Less than a week ago, he and Korra had been face-to-face, the two best waterbenders in the Pro-Bending league, and now, what did they have in common? Even his Water Tribe-styled dress had begun to hang limply off his frame, like Amon had sucked out something more than just Tahno’s bending ability, something more tangible.

“You gotta get him for me.”

Tahno met Korra’s deep blue eyes with his icy ones, and she nodded resolutely. Tahno hoped that he had sounded strong, angry, defiant, but on the inside, he was desperate. He’d contacted the best healers in Republic City, and none of them could do anything to restore what he had lost. That was what made Amon’s power so terrifying; no one had ever seen anything like it. Tahno doubted even the best healers in the world would be able to do much to help. After all, he wasn’t injured–not really. His body was completely unscathed, aside from the usual scrapes and bruises from the match. It was his soul that was missing a piece, like a well within him had suddenly been tapped and emptied in one go. His heart ached with despair at the emptiness he had become.

The moment ended as Chief Beifong and Councilman Tenzin approached the bench where Tahno and Korra were waiting.

“We’re ready for you now,” Tenzin said to Tahno, who nodded and stood to follow. Mustering as close to his characteristic smirk as he could, Tahno turned back to Korra and gave her a casual salute.

“See you around, Ah-vatar,” he said, purposely mispronouncing Korra’s title. The gesture–once the sign of a competitive animosity–had become something kinder, sadder: a cry for help. _Please avenge me, Korra,_ it plead, _please don’t forget me._

…

A sliver of moon smiled through the high domed ceiling. Tahno had been here before countless times. Practicing with his team, winning several championship matches, cheating, just a little. The sloped seating of the Pro-Bending arena enclosed him on all sides as he stood on the bending platform in the center.

No, he wasn’t standing. He was kneeling, his knees pressed uncomfortably against the rigid platform, and several disembodied hands clung to his frame, holding him on the ground. Dark shapes loomed over him, men whose faces he could barely make out, but he doubted he would recognize them even if he could. Equalists all of them, with their mechanical gauntlets and masked faces.

Lightning crackled from the stands, blue arcs of energy bouncing off of unsuspecting spectators and guards and shooting off in all directions. The tall walls seemed to press inward as the air became thick with noise and errant electricity. Tahno felt the hairs on the back of his neck prick up–a response to the static surrounding him, or fear at what he knew would come next? He envied the people he could just make out scrambling around in the stands. They crawled over each other like ants racing to escape a trampled nest, but at least they were free. No gloved hands held them down.

The face loomed into Tahno’s line of vision. Eyes hidden deep in the sockets of a rigid painted mask. A defined figure in the sea of slurred color that comprised Tahno’s perspective. Amon, leader of the Equalists, here in the flesh to make an example to his followers and those benders who dared oppose him. A voice rang out, a stranger begging for amnesty, as far as Tahno could tell. His terror had made his own voice unrecognizable. Amon leaned in, pressing one finger to the center of Tahno’s forehead, and Tahno’s vision went white though his eyes gaped open, wide and unseeing.

The crescent of moon resembled a smirk in the black night sky.

…

Tahno awoke with a jerk. Cycles of nightmares had plagued him every night since the ordeal, and each time he was forced to relive the worst moment of his life. The sky was just barely tinged with sunlight, and the moon was beginning to sink behind Republic City’s taller buildings. Tahno wiped a hand over his forehead and groaned. The healers had told him that the dreams would become less frequent as time went on and one day he might even be completely free of them. He could not wait for that day to come.

He had thought a couple weeks would be long enough to recover, but Tahno was beginning to wonder whether any amount of time would allow him to return fully to normal. Or, as normal as his new condition permitted. He doubted that he would ever again feel like the Tahno who had teased Korra at the restaurant or Tahno, winner of the Pro-Bending championship. He had lived his whole life with that warm assurance of power in his gut, and it took losing the power to truly miss the security it gave him. The idea of taunting an opponent again seemed entirely unattainable, and his mind could not even begin to comprehend the possibility of waterbending again. Just entertaining the notion made Tahno’s head hurt and stomach churn.

He felt so powerless. So not himself at all.

Although it was still early, Tahno decided to begin his day. He shrugged into his blue silken dressing gown which he wore open over his bare chest. The robe was the one article of clothing from his past that Tahno allowed himself to wear now. All his long jackets and fine fitted blouses just made him feel like an imposter. He wasn’t worthy of clothes like that anymore.

The first tendrils of morning sunlight touched the cabinets as Tahno entered the kitchen. As quietly as he could, he filled the kettle for tea. As much as he tried to simply forget his new handicap and live life as usual, in moments like this, he could not help but be reminded. As a waterbender, Tahno had simply moved some water from the faucet into the kettle, but now without that option, he’d had to practice the awkward maneuver of wedging the kettle under the faucet and back out of the sink without spilling any water. A waste of bending? Perhaps, but small inconveniences like this made him miss his abilities even more.

“Still getting used to the faucet, I see,” said a voice from behind him, and Tahno startled, spilling a quarter of the kettle onto the kitchen counter. Cleaning up spills was a pain now too.

“It doesn’t get any easier,” Tahno replied bitterly as the owner of the voice handed him a hand towel. It had become common practice for Ming to spend nights at a time on Tahno’s couch. Until this week, his old teammate had kept an apartment above the Pro-Bending gym, but Ming often complained of feeling out of place there after losing his bending, preferring instead to bounce between friends’ couches as he looked for a new place. He had finally permanently vacated his old apartment, which Tahno had been greatly in favor of until it meant Ming occupying Tahno’s cramped living room for the foreseeable future. Ming wasn’t a bad roommate at all, but he often snuck up on Tahno; for an earthbender, he had extremely soft footsteps.

“This didn’t used to be such a chore,” Tahno muttered as he and the kettle performed their intricate maneuver once again. “You want tea?”

Ming nodded with a small smile and perched himself on the edge of a counter. The apartment’s kitchen was about the size of a pig-chicken coop, so the hem of Tahno’s robe brushed over Ming’s ankles as the former finished filling the kettle and moved to heat it on the stove.

“I heard that Shaozu moved back home,” Ming said softly.

Tahno leaned against the sink and crossed his arms over his chest. “To the Fire Nation?”

Ming nodded. “Back in with his parents. Couldn’t take it anymore, I guess.” He stared at his hands, rubbing his left thumb slowly with his right.

“I bet it’ll help him a lot to be stuck at home with a family of firebenders,” Tahno scoffed. “He’s not one of them anymore.”

“Maybe he just needs comfort,” Ming reasoned, giving Tahno a disapproving look. “We’ve all dealt with this loss differently.”

Tahno could not imagine being surrounded by waterbenders every hour of the day. If making his morning tea was a painful reminder, being forced to live among benders had to be equivalent to an afternoon on the receiving end of a drawing and quartering. Even living in the City with a good mix of benders and non-benders roaming around, the memory of what he had lost became almost physically painful. Still, to have a family, someone to turn to for support, did sound oddly appealing all of a sudden, and Tahno felt a sudden jealous rage rise toward Shaozu. He took a deep breath.

“I guess I can’t really blame him,” Tahno said finally. “I’d leave too if I had someplace to go back to.”

The kettle’s whistle punctuated the following commiserative silence, and Ming reached for two cups from the cupboard behind his head. Tahno took them with a sad smile and a nod of thanks. He grabbed a towel from the counter and poured the hot liquid into the cups–he’d learned by trial and error that regular people needed some sort of barrier to avoid getting their hands scalded by the steam and hot water as it was poured. He had just replaced the kettle on the stove when someone knocked rapidly on the apartment’s door.

“Can you?” Tahno asked Ming, out of practicality rather than laziness; Ming was blocking the tiny kitchen’s one exit. Ming smiled and rounded the corner out of the room, Tahno following with his cup of tea. Before Ming could reach the front door, however, it swung open to admit a man in a fur-trimmed blue coat and thin, perky mustache. Varrick.

“Did we lock the door last night?” Tahno asked, momentarily ignoring his apartment’s most recent guest. Ming just shrugged, but his face was painted with confusion.

“You clearly haven’t heard about my new invention,” Varrick said–his voice just a few decibels too loud for an early morning visit–and waltzed past Ming to plop himself down on the couch. “Zhu Li, bring the thing!”

Varrick’s dutiful assistant Zhu Li scurried into the living room, carrying some sort of mechanical contraption. “This is a Door Opener, guaranteed to open any door, anytime,” Varrick shouted, gesturing to the device with a flourish. As if on cue, the doorknob detached itself from its place on the door and rolled out into the hallway.

Tahno rubbed a hand over his forehead and sighed. “Why are you here, Varrick?”

“What? A guy can’t just drop by to visit?” Varrick stretched his arms out over his head and nestled himself more comfortably into the couch. It was true that Varrick dropped in from time to time; he was a relative after all. While only a distant cousin of Tahno’s mother or father, Tahno could never remember which, Varrick, and Zhu Li by extension, constituted Tahno’s only living relatives in Republic City. It would be nice for anyone else to check in with their relatives, but Varrick usually only “dropped by to visit” when he needed something in return.

“That’s not exactly your style.”

Varrick put a hand to his chest to convey hurt, but his face barely moved. “And here I was just coming to see how you were doing. Word is, you lost something rather important recently.”

“My waterbending, yeah.” Tahno could feel his cheeks heat up in an angry blush, and he clenched his fists at his sides. Who did Varrick think he was anyway?

“Right, well, it’s high time you did something fun to get your mind off of it.” Varrick jumped up and put an arm around Tahno’s shoulders. “Let me take you out, my boy! We’ll make a whole night of it.”

Tahno disentangled himself from Varrick’s arm as gently as he could. “No thanks.”

“I don’t know, Tahno,” Ming chimed in quietly, resting a steadying hand on his friend’s back. “Maybe a night out would be fun. Something to get your mind off everything.”

Tahno slowly let out the angry breath he had been holding, his best attempt to avoid attacking his cousin in earnest. He tried to focus on the constant pressure of Ming’s hand on his shoulder blade and found himself calming down somewhat. “If I say yes, will you get out of my apartment?”

“Of course. I have no other business here,” Varrick said brightly.

“Then yes, I’ll go,” Tahno said after a moment of expectant silence. Varrick clapped his hands together in apparent glee.

“Excellent! I asked Zhu Li to make our reservations yesterday, so we’ll pick you up tonight.”

Of course he already had reservations in order, Tahno thought miserably. Actually accepting his invitation was more of a formality; Varrick always got his way.

“Look your best tonight!” Varrick clapped Tahno on the back as he squeezed past him and out into the hallway again, Zhu Li on his heels. “And you should probably fix your doorknob. A man needs his privacy!” The door slammed shut behind them, and Tahno groaned as he sank onto the couch.

“What was I just coerced into?”

Ming handed Tahno the cup of tea he had left on the counter when Varrick came in. “It’s just one night of distraction. Maybe you’ll even enjoy it.”

Tahno took a long sip of the tea and sighed; it had gotten cold.


	2. Waning Crescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varrick takes our hero out for a fun night, and Tahno gets wet.

Remarkably, Tahno’s evening with Varrick and Zhu Li had not yet gone horribly awry–yet being the operative word. There was still plenty of time for a disaster.

Though he had begged Ming to come along, his roommate had politely declined with the flimsy excuse of running errands. Resigned to his task, Tahno had not pushed the subject. Instead he returned to his bedroom, intending to rest up for what he assumed would be an emotionally taxing undertaking; Varrick’s extravagant personality was a lot to handle on a good day, and Tahno hadn’t had one of those in a long while. How long _had_ it been? A few weeks? A month? It was hard to say.

Attempting to heed Varrick’s request, Tahno scoured his closet for something acceptable to wear. Varrick had told him to look his best, but Tahno was not sure he knew what that looked like anymore. All his clothes felt ill-fitted and pinched in odd places, or perhaps he had just lost the confident swagger he’d previously paired them with. Regardless, the result was uncomfortable, as though Tahno was an imposter, a child wearing his father’s best suit for a costume. His hair was a mess too. When he’d had the ability, he had simply wet his hair and swept it into his desired style, freezing it in place with his bending. He had no idea where to begin styling it normally.

The result was passable, if still a little disheveled. He’d opted for a safe, simple outfit too, but he still felt outclassed as he sat in the restaurant across from Varrick and Zhu Li, who always seemed to dress to impress, no matter who the audience was. Tahno’s sour, far away expression had so far succeeded at staving off any conversation, but he knew that couldn’t last long. He just didn’t want to talk.

“It’s not everywhere you can find genuine Water Tribe cuisine,” Varrick mused. “Zhu Li, add this place to my restaurant rotation.”

Zhu Li nodded and made a note on her seemingly ever-present clipboard.

“You prefer the spicier stuff, don’t you, Tahno?” Varrick finally addressed him, and Tahno focused his eyes disdainfully. “I’m sure they have more options. Zhu Li–”

“I’m fine. Really.” As if to prove his point, Tahno shoved a big knot of noodles into his mouth and gave a half-hearted thumbs up, which seemed to satisfy Varrick, who appeared reluctant to breach the subject of his cousin’s unhappiness. Tahno was relieved. Instead, Varrick launched into a spiel detailing his latest business ventures, which Tahno found all too easy to tune out.

He let his mind wander out of the restaurant, through the streets of Republic City, over miles of countryside and across a swath of saltwater to Shaozu, home safe and loved with his family on Ember Island. At first Tahno had been skeptical about the benefits of leaving the City and living solely among other benders. Surely Shaozu, like Tahno, would want to avoid the jealousy and empty feeling that would come from watching other benders flaunting their powers, taking for granted the gift they had all been born with but which he had been robbed of. Tahno’s repeated failures at everyday household chores was more reminder than he wanted of his current uselessness. To be forced to watch others perform those tasks with the ease of years of practice and mastery that he had once had would surely feel like a knife in the gut.

Something Ming had said kept coming back to him, however. Maybe the appeal was the promise of comfort that family provided, the feeling of belonging in at least one place when every other place in the world felt like it was completely off-limits. The jealousy that he had felt for Shaozu before returned at once, and Tahno clenched his fist on the table. Maybe Shaozu felt like he belonged in his home, but Tahno had never experienced that when he lived in Foggy Swamp with his own family. It had been his intense feeling of disparity that drove him from the swamp as a teen, but as hard as he tried to escape it, the feeling followed him.

He had finally found a home in Republic City, in Pro-Bending. In the arena, he was the best, the strongest, and he had two teammates to back him up and hundreds of fans shouting their love for him. He’d felt no need to hold himself back or change himself to fit in. Tahno wasn’t sure what about his childhood home had made him feel so out of place, but for a while he had been able to evade it. But he had lost his sanctuary when Amon had decided to make an example of him there, in the one place Tahno had truly considered himself safe.

Tahno didn’t realize he had started crying until Zhu Li reached across the table and gently touched his hand, still balled into a fist beside his noodles.

“You okay, kid?” Varrick asked quietly, leaning forward slightly across the table.

Tahno hastily wiped his eyes with his sleeve and cleared his throat. “Fine. I’m fine.” Varrick and Zhu Li exchanged dubious looks, but did not question him further, thankfully. Breaking down in the middle of the dinner rush was humiliating enough.

Varrick stood up and straightened his coat. “In that case, it’s time we move on to our next destination!”

…

Much to Tahno’s chagrin, the disaster this evening had become did not end once the trio left the restaurant and scrambled into Varrick’s car; a few minutes later, they were pulling up to the visitor entrance of the Pro-Bending arena. Tahno did his best to control his distress, but the tears left over from dinner burned in the corners of his eyes. He blinked hard to keep them in. He was supposed to be adjusting, healing. One outburst was enough for tonight.

Varrick had gotten them great seats, and if Tahno was still the most prevalent member of the Pro-Bending community, he might have been excited to taunt the teams from his seat. Tonight, however, he just felt like a target. Were people staring at him, pitying him for what he had lost, for what he had become? He could feel eyes burning into his skin from all sides and sunk deeper into his seat.

Once the match started, Tahno tried his best to focus on the action. This was a post-season match–purely for entertainment–so drama was the name of the game. One earthbender dodged a stone projectile with an impressive series of flips, and pockets of the crowd erupted into cheers. One firebender forced her opponent into the next zone and shot a flurry of sparks into the air to celebrate. The sparks caught Tahno’s eye, and a cold feeling washed over his skin. For a moment, those sparks had been arcs of electricity emanating from dozens of mechanical gauntlets. Tahno grit his teeth and leaned forward in his seat, doing his best to keep himself from thinking about the last time he had been in this arena.

Tahno tensed in surprise when Varrick clapped a hand on his back. “How they doing? Who d’you think will win?”

“Too soon to say,” Tahno replied as evenly as possible. He decided that humoring Varrick for the rest of the match might prove a welcome distraction. Maybe a little exposure therapy would help his nightmares abate.

Tahno studied one waterbender’s attack stance and the way the other smoothly dodged each blast that approached her. “Watch her feet,” Tahno said blandly. He had seen this dirty move, and even used it a couple times, but maybe it would be enough to impress Varrick, to convince him that Tahno was not about to unravel from both ends. Varrick leaned in, and as they watched, the female waterbender’s feet began to stumble, unable to gain enough traction on the frozen ground to stay upright. Varrick cheered in delight. 

Taking advantage of her loss of balance, the other waterbender prepared a huge blast of water to with which to attack. The fluidity of the motion triggered a muscle memory in Tahno’s mind, and he recalled the last time he had seen this same maneuver. He had delivered the same finishing blow against the Fire Ferrets the night of the championship tournament. The night he had lost his bending. Tahno squeezed his eyes closed, feeling the tears from the restaurant threaten to make another grand entrance–one of his very last moments with the ability to waterbend, and he had used it to cheat.

“Brace yourselves!” Varrick shouted beside him. Was he talking to the benders on the platform? Tahno barely had enough time to register the umbrella Zhu Li had unfolded above her head before a wave of water ricocheted off of the female waterbender and doused the trio in the stands. Varrick cheered raucously, his wet hair plastered to his forehead and a little droplet quivering on the ends of each side of his thin mustache.

All of the self-control that Tahno had been practicing throughout the match dissolved, washed away with the arena water, and he began to cry again. This time, however, the tears were hot with anger, and Tahno spun on Varrick.

“Why would you bring me here?” Tahno spat.

Varrick’s thrilled expression faded quickly. “You needed a fun outing, Tahno. I doubt you’d left your apartment in weeks. It was sad.”

“Is this fun?” Tahno asked in exasperation, gesturing first at his soaked jacket, then at the arena as a whole. “You must be an idiot to think that taking me to a bending match would make me feel better. About losing. My. Bending.”

Varrick frowned. “I admit I may not have completely thought this through.”

Tahno scoffed. “Yeah, maybe not.” He stood up abruptly and the small puddles that had formed in the wrinkles of his pants trickled to the ground. “Thanks for dinner, Varrick.”

Varrick grabbed one of Tahno’s arms. “You’re leaving already? At least let Zhu Li drive you–”

“I don’t really want any more favors from you right now,” Tahno said, snatching his sleeve out of Varrick’s grip. “I’ll see you around.” Without another word, Tahno climbed the stairs to the exit as quickly as he could. Now that the initial anger was fading, the fear was beginning to creep in, and the sooner he could get out of this place, the better.

The absence of people in the outer halls of the arena proved to be both a blessing and a curse as Tahno sprinted through toward the main exit. Luckily, no one was around to watch the continual downward spiral of the Pro-Bending ex-superstar, but without other people around, every shadow looked like a concealed foe and every noise from the crowd inside sounded like the beginning of another Equalist raid. Tahno wiped his face with his sleeve and willed his legs to pump faster. His lungs burned with the effort.

The sun had completely set by the time Tahno made it outside. The cool evening air soothed his face, hot from running, but he still felt uneasy. Now that he was in view of the public again, he took a moment to compose himself, slowing to a walk and forcing deep breaths in and out to get his racing heartbeat back under control. He noticed miserably that his clothes and hair were still completely soaked from the waterbender’s attack. The old Tahno would have been able to rectify that immediately, but this Tahno didn’t even have a towel to pat down with. This Tahno was wandering aimlessly through the streets leaving little wet footprints behind him as the crescent moon glowered down at him.

Tahno paused on the bridge leading back to the heart of Republic City and stared down into the water below. If the moon was a crescent again, then it must have been about a month that Tahno had been without bending. Before that night, standing over a big body of water like this had filled him with a sense of stability. He was powerful if he had water around him. He would have felt the strength of the currents as the water stirred itself up below him and known that he could channel that strength with his bending. Tonight, he felt no pull from the water below him even as it lapped up around the supports of the bridge. Tonight, the crescent moon reflected up at his face from the water below, and appeared as a mouth laughing at him, mocking him, just as it had on that night a month ago.

His anger resurfaced once again, and he screamed out across the water, his voice strong and fueled by fury at first before crumbling into desperation and fading into the sounds of the water below him. He cursed the moon, patron of waterbenders, and the water below him.

“How could you?” he wailed at the sliver of moon. “Why won’t you help me? Fix me!” He sank to the ground, landing painfully on his knees. His fingers tangled themselves in his dripping hair and gripped hard, barely resisting the urge to pull. He vaguely noticed some passersby staring at him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Tahno’s whole body felt like it was on fire, muscles clenching and chest heaving in outrage. He screamed again, but his mind was dangerously calm, a heartbroken observer of his body’s anguish. How much longer would he be able to balance the two pieces? How much longer would he have to wait before he finally felt like himself again? Before he finally felt whole?

His throat dry and burning and hot, silent tears streaming down his cheeks, Tahno stared up at the sky. The moon had been his source of power, but now it was only a painful reminder of all that he had lost, his bending, his balance, his self. He closed his eyes, shivering in his wet clothes.

When Tahno finally made it home, he shut the apartment’s door behind him and slouched down to the floor, his back leaning against it. He was beyond exhausted, and his throat was raw from the screaming. Ming’s soft snores echoed around the quiet apartment, and Tahno tried to time his breaths out to Ming’s. The rhythm calmed him somewhat, and he stood up, stripping off his wet jacket and shoes on his way to the bedroom. He didn’t even have time to completely undress from his damp things before he curled up on his bed and fell asleep.


End file.
